Bloglet, the gentleman's mock turtle soup -- Moss made it sweeter than myrrh ash and dhoup
On Learning a Trade
I never was cut out to be a sage.
I'm gonna earn my living with my hands.
Amanuensis, scriv'ner, logophage--
I'll savvy how the Moving Finger lands,
And hardly need to use my brain at all.
Just plunk it down, and eavesdrop, if I like;
A blacksmith needs a hook to make a fall.
If I can't be a lark, I'll be a shrike.
I thought when I was younger they'd be mine,
Those words, and all that meaning in their pith.
I armed myself to grapple the Divine,
But couldn't figure who to grapple with.
So now I've chosen Vulcan, crude and spry--
For he, at least, once spoog'd on Wisdom's thigh.
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(9)
09:43:01 PM,Tuesday 4 October 2005
Pig-like man, don't you realize that the very joists of the earth come out of a woman's bodungeon?_
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(2)
06:29:54 PM,Tuesday 4 October 2005
Dear Canadian Lady:
"Guttural" does not mean "originating in the gut". Thank you.
Me.
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(1)
12:20:24 PM,Tuesday 4 October 2005
Archery?
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(6)
03:32:37 PM,Monday 3 October 2005
Just played string quartet music with a violin and a cello (but my roommate's going to the next one, so we'll have a quorum!). Boccherini, Haydn, and Beethoven. Unspeakably happy. Pleasepleaseplease let me keep doing this on a regular basis. I'll shrivel up without it.
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02:53:56 PM,Saturday 1 October 2005
California rolls and watermelon on a bench in the sun.
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(2)
12:36:44 PM,Friday 30 September 2005
Awesome!
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(4)
03:06:27 PM,Thursday 29 September 2005
Dear Brain:
I regret to inform you that "I shot a man in reno" can not correctly be taken to mean "I shot a man in the kidney", as the singular ablative form of the word is, in strict point of fact, "renale." Thank you for your interest concerning this matter.
Dad, who is Ida Numo, and why was she traveling with your father and your half-brothers to Ellis Island in 1910? And who's "Uncle Carlo", for that matter? Was part of our family already living here by then? Also, my grandfather was only 5'5"? That explains a few things. (`;
First Name: Ida
Last Name: Numo
Ethnicity: Italy, Italian So.
Last Place of Residence: Naples, Italy
Date of Arrival: Mar 21, 1910
Age at Arrival: 30y Gender: F Marital Status: M
Ship of Travel: Cedric
Port of Departure: Naples
Manifest Line Number: 0009
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(1)
03:08:04 PM,Tuesday 27 September 2005
Contract signed. I am now a salaried employee, making actual big kid money. Woo-hoo!
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10:56:24 AM,Tuesday 27 September 2005
LJ Shakespeare Meme. (When you see this, post a snippet of Shakespeare from your head into your blog. If you wanna.)
Launce's speech, from The Two Gentlemen of Verona. (all errors and ommissions attributable to the haze of years since I performed this in the 7th grade talent show):
'I have received my proportion like the prodigious son, and am going with Sir Proteus to the Imperial Court. I think Crab, my dog, be the sourest natur'd dog that lives. My mother weeping, my father wailing, our maid howling, our cat wringing her hands, and all our house in a great perplexity, yet did not this cruel hearted cur shed one tear. A Jew would have wept to have seen my parting! Why, my grandam-- having no eyes, look you-- wept herself blind at my parting. He is a stone, a very pebble stone, and has no more pity in him than a dog. Nay, I'll show you the manner of it. This shoe is my father. No, this shoe is my mother, and this my father. Nay, that cannot be so neither. Ay, it is so, it is so-- it hath the worser sole. This shoe with the hole in it is my mother, and this my father. This staff is my sister, for, look you, she is as white as a lily and as small as a wand. This hat is Nan, our maid. I am the dog. No, the dog is himself, and I am the dog. Nay, nay-- the dog is me, and I am myself! Ay, so, so. Now come I to my father. "Father, your blessing." Yet cannot the shoe speak one word for weeping. Now come I to my mother. I kiss my mother-- Why, here 'tis! 'Tis my mother's breath up and down. Now come I to my sister. Mark the moan she makes! Yet all this time shed he not one tear, nor spake one word-- but see how I lay the dust with my tears!'
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(2)
02:02:45 PM,Saturday 24 September 2005
I love my family. They make me happy.
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09:47:25 PM,Thursday 22 September 2005
Le suck-- c'est moi!
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(4)
08:50:53 PM,Wednesday 21 September 2005
Domenican Spanish spoken in a thick Korean accent sounds really weird.
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06:30:02 PM,Sunday 18 September 2005
An even better habit tracker, from what I can see: Sciral Consistency. Just downloaded it; will report on its effectiveness.
K. and I saw Corpse Bride last night. Lovely silly fun. Tomorrow, drinks with friends at the Sunburnt Cow. Tuesday, Ariadne comes to stay for a few days. Wednesday, orientation at NYCI. Thursday, meeting with the boss about how much he's gonna pay me come October. Looks to be a hopping week.
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(2)
04:01:17 PM,Sunday 18 September 2005
Today, courtesy Swift, the OED Word of the Day, and my own loving consort, I have been christened "Sirrah Saucyboxes". I expect to get the monogramming back by Thursday.
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10:36:26 PM,Tuesday 13 September 2005
And, finally, the following, spotted on an ad for a new sitcom (Everybody Hates Chris) posted in the subway stop going home from work. The tagline is: "If he wasn't picked on, he'd have no material." Numbered brackets denote individual handwriting.
If he wasn't[1][4] weren't[3] picked on, he'd [5] have no material.
[1] (Statements contrary to fact take the subjunctive.)
[2] I second that opinion.
[3] Actually this is correct. This statement refers to the past tense. Therefore "wasn't" refers to an action already occurred, not occuring presently.
[4] Prescriptivist pedants*!
[5] I think "wasn't" is inconsistent with "he'd".
The following may or may not be commentary on the debate itself, but were also appended to the ad:
A squished red licorice rope, affixed between the legs of the kid playing "Chris" so as to dangle unpleasantly.
A phone number (1-800-742-0761) for the MTA Customer Service Department, scribbled in black sharpie,
A graffiti tag reading "Spew", the final tail of the W ending in an arrow.
* Ok, this was me.
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08:30:39 PM,Tuesday 13 September 2005
I found this taped up on a bulletin board by the bus stop near K.'s place a few weeks ago:
"Mail your support Send Check or Money Order
To
The Star David
PO Box 790
Plane Tarium Station
N.Y, NY 10024-0545
1. WHAT IS THE NATURE OF MAN AND WOMAN?
Loser/Mystical Answer (Platonistic)
Human beings are by nature evil, irrational, and destructive. They are subordinate to "higher" causes. Human beings must be controlled by some higher authority or government and forced to serve others or society.
Winner/Factual Answer (Aristotelian)
Human beings are by nature good, rational, and productive (or mankind could not exist). Human beings are competent to fill their needs and to achieve happiness. By being free to act according to their own nature, they will best serve themselves and society without force or coercion from any authority or government.
2. WHAT IS REALITY?
Loser/Mystical Answer (Platonistic)
Reality is what the mind thinks or imagines. Wishes, will, or faith can create or alter reality. "True" reality is unknowable.
Winner/Factual Answer (Aristotelian)
Reality is what exists. Reality exists independently of anyone's thoughts, desires, will, or wishes. All reality is knowable."
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(4)
08:20:24 PM,Tuesday 13 September 2005
I totally just bought Whale Sperm Conditioner. Damnit, Herman, why my irresitible fangirling of you gotta affect my follicular well being? But, hell, maybe the stuff'll actually work. It smells better than you'd think it should. Incidentally, for any bleeding hearts in the audience, I'm reasonably sure it doesn't actually contain whale sperm, despite the awesome picture on the front. Not expensive enough, for one thing. But the instructions are winner:
"Use: After washed, dried with a towell and apply the cream massaging. Live for 10 to 15 minutes. Rinse with normal temperature water."
15 minutes?! Harsh. Of course, it doesn't say whether that applies to the user or the whale.
More hilarity seen around the city to follow.
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(4)
08:16:36 PM,Tuesday 13 September 2005
Damn it, Martin! Tell my job to give me the day off and then let me stay in your house so I can go to this!
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(6)
07:16:47 PM,Tuesday 13 September 2005
