She has discovered the cat bed! Huzzah!
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(4)
01:14:57 PM,
Monday 10 December 2007
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Catball!
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03:55:20 PM,
Saturday 8 December 2007
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Quite at home indeed
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11:30:50 PM,
Friday 7 December 2007
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Safe to say the cat feels at home. Yay!
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(6)
09:47:35 PM,
Friday 7 December 2007
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Black coffee is delicious without alteration (though also tasty with additions of milk and/or sugar), but tea really does want a bit of sugar to bring out the flavor. It's odd.
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(15)
12:58:32 PM,
Thursday 6 December 2007
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There's a vicious cycle I get into sometimes that goes sort of like this:
1) I want to write.
2) I want to contribute to the household income, or I won't be able to write because I will feel too selfish.
3) I can't expect to have an income from writing.
4) I won't be happy unless I have an income, so I'd better get a job.
5) The only jobs I am qualified for are uninteresting to me and/or not impressive enough.
6) I have a job now! I have an income!
7) Since getting a job, I have no energy left for writing. Also the house is a mess.
8) My job is really mind numbing and not impressive or terribly wealthening.
9) I am at a dead end both financially and creatively. I am depressed. The house is still a mess.
10) If I quit my job, perhaps I will write more and be happier.
10) I have quit my job! Now I can write!
11) I can't write because I feel too selfish. Also I feel like I have no worthiness in the eyes of others because I am not working.
12) I am even more depressed and the house is an even bigger mess.
13) I want to write...
The thing is, since we've moved, I haven't had a job, but amazingly I have been happy and fairly productive. At first it was because I was busy fixing the house up and had measurable physical evidence of progress to show people. I could say, "Well, I'm not working, but I am working full time on the house," and it was true. But then the house stuff sort of wound down and I was into the basic domestic routine, which isn't as impressive even though it is necessary. Still I put off worrying about seriously trying to find a job because we had a lot of visitors coming, and November was NaNoWriMo. I could tell people, "I'm not working yet, but I spent the last two months working full time on the house, and this month I am devoting myself to being a good hostess and getting some writing done for this official thing. Next month I'll probably start looking for work." But suddenly next month is here. I've been putting this decision off for a long time, but it turns out I need to actually face it now.
::Deep breath:: I am not going to look for a job.
For ages people have lived in groups as teams where some of the members work to bring home money and supplies and stuff and others work at home to keep everything running smoothly and all that. But I've grown up in a time and place where (I think unintentionally) I've been taught to think that, especially as a woman, I should be working outside the home if I am a good member of society. Because you see, feminism dictates that women should not bow to gender stereotypes and work at home for no pay while depending on men for money. Women who do this are weak. Housewives are not really workers. I should be a professional person with a high powered job, doing something independent and impressive. Whether or not you feel the same way, this is the mindset I have assembled from societal cues since I was a very small person.
This is wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.
First of all, feminism doesn't dictate any such thing. The basic idea behind feminism (and I know you have your different factions of feminist thinkers, but this is it on a very general level) is that women are worth as much as men generally, and that women ought to be able to choose whether or not to pursue a career, rather than have no choice but to work in the home. This does not mean that women should never choose to work in the home, or that the work that people of either gender do at home is less valuable than the work they might do elsewhere. It's easy to get confused about this, though. At least it's easy for me to get confused anyway. Especially when I look around and see that the vast majority of my peers are in two-income households, and somehow they all still manage to get the housework done to some extent, and you know raise children and all that.
I don't intend to have children. I've never ever to my knowledge wanted to have children (no, seriously, I mean it -- I told my mother I was going to invent a contraceptive spray after she told me I couldn't get surgically sterilized when I was four years old). This doesn't mean I hate children. I think children are awesome. I just don't want to have any of my own. I would infinitely prefer to adopt a child who needed a home than to create a new life if it came down to it, but at least up to now and for the forseeable future, I don't even want to do that. I don't think this makes me a bad person, but it does give me more ammunition for the war on self-confidence. I often think, "Well if I had children it would be a bit more acceptable to stay at home rather than working outside the home, but I am apparently just lazy..." The latter isn't true, and the former at the very least oughtn't be true, but I can't help thinking both anyway. It needs to stop now.
There is nothing wrong with Moss and I working together to make eachothers' lives easier. There is nothing wrong with me staying at home and working around the house and writing so long as Moss and I are easily able to live on one income (which we clearly are as any jobs I have had over the years have brought basically petty bonus income, and we're evidently doing all right here now). My staying home is an active good because things like the laundry actually get done in a timely fashion without either of us feeling too rushed and exhausted to enjoy our allotted free time. Now I just have to work on really believing this and not being ashamed of it.
I have been writing lately, and I think that's a very good thing. I have been happy, and Moss has been happy, and the house is enjoying a sustained level of cleanliness that I think astonishes both of us. I want to keep doing this. I should not be ashamed of it. I'm not sure that this garbled rant is at all sensible, but with any luck it'll help me sort things out.
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(21)
04:59:52 PM,
Monday 3 December 2007
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And I have written 1,705 words in a new story this evening and also done a load of laundry. Yay productivity! The longterm goal is to write on at least 4 or 5 days each week, and to keep the domestic stuff under control. Good start.
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(2)
10:36:07 PM,
Sunday 2 December 2007
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Writing is one of those jobs that doesn't typically pay much. I'm quite used to jokes along the lines of "With a couple dollars and a fine arts degree, you can get a cup of coffee!" It's funny because it's true. One gets used to waiting for indefinite periods of time only to find rejections in the mail. And rejections are kind of luxuries in a way. Often with things like contests, one doesn't get any word at all unless one is the winner.
Taking all that into consideration, I was amused, but not very surprised when a friend e-mailed me a few days ago to congratulate me for receiving an honorable mention for a Limerick I had entered into a contest over on Space Westerns. "Didn't they e-mail you?" my friend asked when I thanked him for letting me know about it. I assured him they had not, and that I assumed they were only going to e-mail the top winners, but as it turns out I was wrong. Today I received an official e-mail asking for my address, because apparently getting an honorable mention also means I get a financial reward! To the tune of One Whole Dollar! Never say I am not a paid and published writer, because I have made um... eleven dollars to date! That's like... 5 and a half cups of coffee!
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(9)
08:04:35 PM,
Sunday 2 December 2007
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Crafturday!?!
This was before things got really messy... The highlight was definitely the Great Glitter Glue Explosion of 2007, which, after a pop so loud Tim heard it in the basement, managed to get purple gunk on me (including my eye!), on Erika, on Tim's coat, on two walls, two or three bits of trim, two doors, the floor, and the ceiling. 12 hours after the start of Craft Saturday, we have strange, mis-shapen candles, a passel of festive cards, and assorted other goodies. We have even learned how to cut glass into exciting shapes. All in all, a rousing success.
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(3)
01:21:36 AM,
Sunday 2 December 2007
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!!!
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(11)
09:09:34 PM,
Thursday 29 November 2007
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Twilight
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04:38:23 PM,
Thursday 29 November 2007
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After not really having written for a week I got nearly 4k today for a grand total of 34,313. I am still quite behind, but if I write 3,200 words every day this week I can still meet the 50k goal of the month. I have to do this as I have the t-shirt. But for now I have to go to bed. Ti-red.
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10:48:41 PM,
Sunday 25 November 2007
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Really
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(8)
04:14:36 PM,
Sunday 25 November 2007
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Typical Thanksgiving tourist activity
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02:56:55 PM,
Friday 23 November 2007
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Upon waking, Cait said, "I have exciting news for you. You know how you got a C on your German test? Well that was actually 77.5 points out of 88, not out of 100, so you actually got a B! Both of you got Bs!" Naturally, I had to blog this. Congratulations to me and to Erika, who also got a B! Yay!
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10:19:47 AM,
Friday 23 November 2007
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Thankful that I have so many things to be thankful for. Most immediately thankful for passing my German test with a C after only a few moments of study time (Erika passed hers, too!), and thankful that I had the opportunity to take a German test on Thanksgiving because Cait is here and willing to work in her off time just to humor me. On a broader level, thankful for friends and family and food and all the good people in the world like Liz, who went to New Orleans to help rebuild for Thanksgiving instead of selfishly indulging in recreational language tests. Now, if you will excuse me, I believe I shall show thankfulness for my clean sheets and comfortable bed by putting them to good use.
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12:08:16 AM,
Friday 23 November 2007
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Geography
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(1)
06:30:58 PM,
Wednesday 21 November 2007
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Social
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05:49:55 PM,
Wednesday 21 November 2007
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In salem
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(1)
05:46:30 PM,
Wednesday 21 November 2007
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Snowcapped pumpkins
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(4)
12:06:35 PM,
Tuesday 20 November 2007
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Wordcount: 29,048. I will attempt to get to 30k tomorrow morning before we go out to do Errands. I am pleasingly ahead of schedule, so if I don't get any writing done tomorrow, I'll still be on track. So far this is the smoothest NaNoWriMo I have ever done. Yay!
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09:18:16 PM,
Friday 16 November 2007
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Lesson: A welcome, new account member letter from the gas company containing my name address and account number does not count as proof of address. I am going now for round two of a little game I like to call Attempting to get a Massachusetts driver's license. Send good thoughts, please.
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(4)
10:26:56 AM,
Wednesday 14 November 2007
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Not actually a viable excursion option then
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(1)
04:09:26 AM,
Wednesday 14 November 2007
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Final wordcount for today: 23,641. I was going for 24k, but I am tired and have just developed horrid hiccups and we have to get up early and [insert further whining here], so I am calling it a day and going to sleep. Tomorrow does distinctly seem to be 25k day, though, so that's exciting.
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10:30:19 PM,
Tuesday 13 November 2007
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Flying cat reflected in my tea
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(1)
09:32:38 PM,
Tuesday 13 November 2007
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Yesterday I wrote with Jenny and got to 22,264. As predicted she slammed on the weekend and left me in the dust. She's at 26k and change now. But it's cool because all this means is that we are both still ahead of schedule, which is awesome. I am really lethargic today, but the rain has let up and it's sunny outside, so I feel like perhaps the best plan to end lethargy is a walk outdoors. The only thing is that I have to trick myself into doing it. I have to give myself an errand or something. We have these brown bananas. Possibly I should go out in search of eggs and brown sugar so that we may have banana bread. Okay, yes, that's a plan. Banana bread followed by clean laundry and writing. It's a plan to end lethargy! A five hour plan!
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02:03:25 PM,
Tuesday 13 November 2007
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I didn't write this weekend because we had Leonard and Sumana to stay (which was awesome), but that's all right because (thanks to my insane burst of writing last week) I am still ahead of the game! I should be at 18,337 to be on track, so I remain nearly 2k ahead. Yay! I am going to go back to writing and exciting domestic chores tomorrow (and Nora is going to come and teach me to knit!), but it was good to have a weekend off without worrying about how behind I was getting. Now I am off to (parentheses-free) bed. G'night!
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(1)
11:49:32 PM,
Sunday 11 November 2007
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Modern meeting rituals
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(2)
06:39:24 PM,
Saturday 10 November 2007
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Someone is giving away a victrola on the freecycle list. I do not need a victrola. I don't. I really don't.
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08:59:44 AM,
Saturday 10 November 2007
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Final wordcount for the day: 20,200. That's not quite, but nearly 4k! I appear to be on fire this year!
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(3)
09:19:32 PM,
Friday 9 November 2007
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The official speedwrite timer
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08:02:29 PM,
Friday 9 November 2007
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Yesterday was a fairly dead day. I sat around zombie-like, clicking on link after link and thinking vaguely that I ought to be doing something until it was 6:15 and I realized I wasn't actually going to make it to the 6:30 write in at Ben and Jerry's on Newbury Street. So I did a couple of speedwrites with Jenny and Cait and got up to 16,388, then went with Moss to Whole Foods in search of ice cream and had truly awful and overpriced dinner from their hot buffet (but the ice cream was awesome. Palapa Azul brand, Mexican Chocolate flavor. I had it a Krysta's a few weeks ago and have been craving it ever since. Sooo yummy). And then we went to bed.
Today has been better. I have washed all the towels, I have touched up paint in the bathroom where I noticed some glaring trouble spots, I have washed the bedding, and it is now in the dryer, I have a load of clothes in the washer, I have collected all bits of trash from various points in house and bundled them in trash bag, and I have gotten up to 17,100. I have also received a huge box containing 5 months worth of mail. Yikes. I can't really think much about sorting it now, though. Surely it can wait a few more days?
This afternoon a bunch of NaNoers are meeting at Trident bookstore and cafe, also on Newbury Street. If I get enough laundry and stuff done in time, I'll go there, but we have out of town visitors arriving this evening, so I don't know if I'll make it. I am pretty sure, however, that one thing I should make now is lunch. Also I should do the dishes, and remember to go out for toilet paper and paper towels... Right, enough with the Julia Housekeeping Report.
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(1)
02:17:26 PM,
Friday 9 November 2007
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I seem to have developed an addiction to Dots. The candy. They are terrible. They stick your teeth indefinitely and taste like artificial flavoring and plastic combined. Yet, I keep wanting more... God help me.
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(24)
03:15:54 PM,
Thursday 8 November 2007
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It is bedtime. Writing at Diesel with Krysta turned out to be insanely productive. I did nearly 4k there! Then I came home and squeezed out a tad more in a quick speedwrite with Jenny, for a final wordcount of 15,125. That's 3,125 past my goal for the day. Which is to say, damn! I think I have earned my sleep.
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09:11:52 PM,
Wednesday 7 November 2007
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10,774 and the laundry is put away. Off to lunch with Moss, then writing at Diesel with Krysta. Goal for today: 12k. My characters are starting to grow minds of their own, which is a good thing.
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11:41:04 AM,
Wednesday 7 November 2007
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Still caught up with the official wordcount goal! I have 10,262, which is 260 ahead of where I should be to stay on track. Now off to meet a conversation student, which is kind of exciting. Technically it sort of counts as a job!
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04:50:46 PM,
Tuesday 6 November 2007
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site & script courtesy of Moss