Bloglet, the gentleman's mock turtle soup -- Moss made it sweeter than myrrh ash and dhoup
I'm gonna write this story about a band of Jain bank robbers. See, they despise money in all its forms, so they don't consider it harming a living creature to steal it. They all take off their loincloths and wrap them around their heads and faces to disguise their identities. Then they go in the bank and demand all the money they can carry in their arms -- they don't belive in using containers of any sort. They don't use threats of violence, obviously... I'm not sure what sort of coercive force a Jain monk can put on a bank teller, but I bet it's pretty severe, whatever it is. So they load up their arms with huge stacks of very large bills. They don't care about the serial numbers 'cause it'll never be traced -- they run into a secreted clearing only they know about, carefully sweep the area clean of all creeping things, and burn it up using painstakingly-collected tree resin for starter fluid. The smoke goes up up up, and they all stroll away in different directions before they any one can locate the source of it.
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(1)
10:08:33 AM,Wednesday 23 July 2003
All I want is a black plastic sopranino recorder. No woodgrain, no ivory trim, no dark brown, just black. Black all the way through. Or "simulated ebony", if you want to be highfalutin about it. I don't care. Two pieces or three pieces; I'm not particular. I don't even care how much it costs or what it sounds like. It shouldn't be that impossible to find! I know they exist -- I played one at SCJSF and another one at Towson. Why why why why why can't I find one to buy for myself ANYWHERE?
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(17)
09:56:30 AM,Tuesday 22 July 2003
Gotta go to work, work all day, stealing underpants, hey...
Gotta go to work, work all day, underpants, underpants, yay...
Yeah, I know. I ain't blogged for god knows how long and this is what you get?
Ok, fine. I could blog about the new game boy game I've been playing -- overturn cop cars, pulverize small mammals, suck the blood from a sleeping baby -- and it's rated E for Everyone! Yay!
I picked up a booklet on how to keep your kids from smoking, published by the Philip Morris Corporation. Only glanced at it so far, but oh baby -- priceless!
I went to a liquor store today, hoping to find some good sippin' whisky under $50 or so, but I was overwhelmed by the selection. Any of you boozing types who might come within my vicinity in any kind of forseeable future: what'll it be?
I wanted to launch into a huge essay about why the defrauding of erotic desire by supplanting it with sterile and stylized romanticism is such a vile thing, but then I slept for 19 hours and it all trickled into the bedsheets. The essay. Metaphorically. Maybe I'll try to scoop it up again later.
I think I'm gonna go mummify myself in cold water for a couple hours.
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(6)
10:41:37 PM,Monday 21 July 2003
Only reading a book once is as much of a sin as skipping to the end to find out what happens. If a book's worth reading, it's worth reading twice: once to let the story unfold in front of you, and then again to understand everything in light of how it's going to turn out. That's not even considering reminding yourself of what you forgot since the last time you read it, or what you weren't in the right frame of mind to catch at the time, or what you've learned in the meantime that'll allow you to see what you couldn't before. I could probably spend my whole freakin' life re-reading the same handful of books... though the law of diminishing returns applies, except for a very few.
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(7)
10:09:04 AM,Saturday 19 July 2003
Some chick in an opera I was listening to last night was singing, "Non me n'intendo!" And I was like... "Whuh? Someone's trying to steal her Gamecube?"
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10:03:22 AM,Saturday 19 July 2003
So far the best stage name I can think of for a drag king Leonard Cohen impersonator is Maynard Coldcock, but I'm definitely open to suggestions.
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(6)
09:35:55 AM,Friday 18 July 2003
With a plunger full of rectal valium in my pocket and a song in my heart.
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09:33:51 AM,Friday 18 July 2003
Indolence is the worst form of mediocrity.
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07:17:11 PM,Thursday 17 July 2003
Girls just wanna write fugues.
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(17)
07:16:53 PM,Thursday 17 July 2003
Sleep: an anabiosis, as is... Oi! Banana peels!
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07:16:34 PM,Thursday 17 July 2003
Things I saw on my walk today (taking a leaf from Sarah's shrubbery):
The spitting image of Robinson Crusoe (nut-brown, topless, ragged pants and beard) doing pushups on the riverbank
A large rock on someone's lawn that looked just like a headless walrus
Two Johnnies!
I was sitting on the platform off to the side of the footbridge, and a guy and a chick came down the stairs, and the guy was wearing an SJC shirt, and I was wearing mine, so we went "whoaaaah!" and pointed at each other agapedly. The chick was a Johnny too, getting her masters in math here at the U. of M. The guy had been a Nappy undergrad, dropped out, and finally got his degree in Eastern Classics. We were all wearing sandles, but he was the only one wearing socks with 'em. They mentioned that they wanted to get together with other Johnnies in town and instead of pulling out the tiny little notebook I had with me and giving 'em my phone number and email address, I nodded like a dumb thing and started babbling on about Classics professors. So they inclined their heads cheerfully and walked away. Blurgle. Making small talk with strange Johnnies is even more awkward than doing it with normal strangers, 'cause you're used to doing exactly the opposite. Y'know? So, random Johnny people, if you ever google, say, "St. John's College" and "Missoula", I'm the chick with the gaping rip in the armpit of my SJC shirt who was eating the sourdough bacon cheeseburger. Look me up. Yeah.
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(6)
08:27:52 PM,Tuesday 15 July 2003
I'd walk a mile for an apodeictic certainty.
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(3)
07:07:12 AM,Tuesday 15 July 2003
Al Onz'n'Fonz: "Duh! Lop a Tree, eh?"
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06:07:39 PM,Monday 14 July 2003
Woo! My Diph Thong and Congenital Invert Wifebeater arrived! The three neighbor kids rang the door to ask if they could look at my mom's flowers, and the package was lying there on the stoop. The shirt's in the wash -- I'm hoping it'll shrink, 'cause the twelve pounds or so of solid torso muscle I've been hoping to put on have largely refrained from appearing in the face of my lifelong indolence. But they're both just beauts! Falstaff is happy! (If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's better not to ask. Take my word for it.)
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(6)
03:15:41 PM,Monday 14 July 2003
I think I'm going to... stop talking like... William Shatner now.
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(2)
02:46:42 PM,Monday 14 July 2003
Naw, see... what I really am... is a satyr.
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02:41:46 PM,Monday 14 July 2003
Und surrounded mit Feuer... und Schmoke... und Schtink!
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02:40:38 PM,Monday 14 July 2003
Grrr. I've been Googling for a while, and so far the only recording I can find of Gluck's La Clemenza di Tito is an old live pirated cassette tape from House of Opera for frikking $16. Is a CD too much to ask? Lordy.
Sometimes I wish I was a boy just so I could be a countertenor.
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(5)
08:55:07 AM,Monday 14 July 2003
It just occurred to me that maybe one of the reasons I like Marmite so much is 'cause it's just like those concentrated pastes that were supposed to make up the Diet of the Future. If it only came in a little tube, it'd be perfect.
What are you supposed to say to someone when you take your leave of them to go sleep, and it's, say, 8 o'clock in the morning? You can't say "good night", 'cause it isn't, and you can't say "sleep well" or "sweet dreams" 'cause you're the one sleeping and they ain't, and "see you in 8 to 10 hours" just lacks panache, y'know? So?
I sort of dreaded turning 22, because it was the first time in quite a while that the age itself didn't seem to have any significance. 16, 17, and 18 are just loaded with their own particular connotations. 19 too, really, 'cause it's right before 20. 20, obviously, and 21, it goes without saying, but what does it mean to be 22? I didn't have any sort of picture in my head distinguishing a 22-year-old in any tangible way. But now, weirdly, in the last several things I've read, there seem to have been scads of 22-year-old characters. I don't think I would have noticed them if I hadn't had my mind on the question, but every time I come across one, I get a little shock of surprise. All I have to do is see what they have in common and synthesize the literary significance right out of the little buggers. Then I can go on acting like a person in a book (Pare un libro stampato!), and everything'll be just dandy.
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(9)
03:21:42 AM,Monday 14 July 2003
Small print of the day: "UPS, the UPS brandmark and the color brown are registered trademarks of United Parcel Service of America, Inc."
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(25)
11:59:52 AM,Sunday 13 July 2003